When I went up to that woman those two chilly September mornings, it wasnÕt because I wanted a place to live. I was hungry! A hungry cat will do anything for food, even walk on his hind legs like a little Rory Calhoun! IÕd lived on the streets for a while and I had intended to continue to do so for some time. At least until IÕd fathered some more kittens. ItÕs completely untrue that I was licking motor oil off the street for moisture. And I was definitely not about to climb up into a car engine for warmth.
One night I saw the woman approach with another human. I did my cute act in order to obtain sustenance. The evil ones enticed me with a can of Alpo, leaving me warm and sleepy and unaware. Suddenly I got grabbed by two large human hands! I tried to fight them off, but they were bigger than I was! I struggled and squirmed like a big-mouth bass. When they finally got me inside I saw that there was another cat! And he was humungous! Fortunately, he was neutered, so I knew IÕd rule. I immediately ran for a window and screamed to my cat friends, ÒHelp! IÕve been dragged into an apartment!Ó But the males hrrmphed and the females all said I was lucky.
For days I sat at the window and sang sad songs to all my paramours. Then I got put in a box and brought someplace that smelled weird. I was paralyzed by some alien technology and when I woke up I was groggy and sore. Mungo came over to me all concerned when I got home. ÒAre you ok, Henrey?,Ó he said as he sniffed my butt.
ÒIÕm tired. Leave me alone.Ó I curled up on the couch and slept.
I eventually got used to apartment living. I even got used to Mungo. I like the stability of regular meals. I love the cold running water. And I really love my bed. But what I like most of all are tv, beer and catnip.
full name: Henrey Lee Lucat
nicknames: Sammy, the black one, Rory Calhoun, Herbert Hunke
birthdate: September 25, 1996
pattern: the classic tuxedo
eyes: a lovely chartreuse
fave canned food: tuna, mackerel, sardines
fave dry food: the stuff in my bowl right now is ok
fave drug: the nip
other fave foods: chicken nuggets, spare ribs, chinese take-out, beer.
hobbies: Yankee baseball, professional wrestling, drinking, good cuban cigars.
motto: I will kill you. I will kill you. I will kill you.